This is 52: A Year of Loss, Growth, and Learning to Pause

As I sit here reflecting on the last year of my life, I realize how much has changed. The transition from 51 to 52 wasn’t just another birthday—it was a year that nearly took me out. Despite everything I’ve learned in my 30 years as a pharmacist and health professional, I found myself facing one of the most difficult chapters of my life.

Looking back now, it’s clear that this was a year of immense growth, but it certainly didn’t feel that way as I was going through it.

The Year That Nearly Took Me Out

It all began when I lost several key members of my pharmacy staff, forcing me back into the grind of working 50+ hours a week. I’ve always been someone who can take on a lot, but this time was different. I found myself overwhelmed, exhausted, and struggling to keep up. And then, as if that wasn’t enough, financial turbulence hit, making the load feel even heavier.

As I worked long hours and tried to manage the mounting pressure, I found myself dealing with a personal loss that I wasn’t prepared for. One of my closest friendships—the person I thought would always be by my side—fell apart. The grief from that loss was overwhelming, and I felt the emotional weight creeping into every area of my life.

Suddenly, the stress became too much to bear. My weight began fluctuating, my sleep suffered, and I felt stuck. Stuck in a job that no longer aligned with who I was becoming, stuck in my health, and stuck in this never-ending cycle of pushing through.

It was as if my body and my mind were shouting at me to stop, but I didn’t know how.

The Wake-Up Call

And then came the moment that truly shook me—a dear friend and colleague passed away suddenly from cardiac arrest at just 45 years old. She was younger than me, and her death hit far too close to home.

As a pharmacist, I know all the right things to do to stay healthy. I know the importance of sleep, nutrition, and managing stress. But knowing what to do and actually doing it are two different things, especially when life becomes overwhelming. Her passing made me confront a harsh reality: none of us are invincible, no matter how much we think we know.

To make matters worse, I experienced my own health scare when a cyst was discovered in my uterus. Thankfully, it was benign, but the fear it sparked was real. It was another reminder that my body was trying to tell me something—that I couldn’t keep running on empty.

I realized that if I didn’t make some changes—if I didn’t start prioritizing my own health and well-being—I could very easily end up going down the same path.

Learning to Pause

This year, I had to learn the importance of pausing—something I’ve always told others to do but rarely did for myself. I had to stop pushing through, stop trying to handle everything on my own, and learn to let go of the things that were no longer serving me.

Letting go wasn’t easy. I had to come to terms with the fact that my 30-year career in pharmacy, while fulfilling for so long, no longer aligned with who I am today. I had to release the guilt that came with wanting to change course, and most importantly, I had to give myself permission to rest, reflect, and recalibrate.

Through this process, I realized that the constant drive to “do more” and “push harder” no longer worked for me—especially as I was navigating the menopause transition. The physical, emotional, and mental tolls were real, and I had to start honoring my body’s need to slow down.

Recalibrating and Moving Forward

As I began to embrace this pause, I found clarity. I gave myself space to rethink what I truly wanted and began to see that I no longer needed to chase success. Instead, I started attracting opportunities that aligned with my new vision for life. I stopped feeling like I had to have it all figured out, and I started trusting myself and the process.

Letting go of my old mindset was freeing. I allowed myself to step into a new chapter, one where I could realign my purpose with who I am now—not who I used to be. And in this process, I realized that life wasn’t happening to me, it was happening for me. Every challenge, every loss, was part of a bigger journey toward growth.

What 52 Has Taught Me

Now, as I sit at 52, I can honestly say this has been one of the hardest yet most transformative years of my life. I’ve learned that knowing what to do isn’t always enough. Life can quickly become overwhelming, especially when you’re in the midst of the menopause transition. But it’s through pausing, letting go, and recalibrating that you find your way forward.

I’ve learned that it’s okay to prioritize myself, to put my well-being first, and to say no to things that no longer serve me. And I’ve learned that growth often comes through the hardest moments.

As I move forward, I’m excited to continue creating a life that aligns with who I truly am, not just what’s expected of me. I’m no longer chasing after things that don’t feel right. Instead, I’m trusting the process, and I’m ready to embrace whatever comes next with open arms.

This is 52—a year of letting go, trusting myself, and finding the courage to pause when life demands it. And I’m ready for what lies ahead.